The Cell of Will

I don’t sleep but I keep waking up. No, I am not in a ghost story. It’s my life. I have been here for a while. Long enough to know that it’s the same place that I keep waking up at. Hi! My name is William, I don’t know if you’re reading this or not. But this is everything I have here, a pen and a notebook. Probably, I was expected to write my experience here down on this. Where am i you may ask. Well it’s a room illuminated with white lights and painted completely red. The white light follows me around wherever I go in the room. It would have helped if white was my favorite color but it isn’t. I don’t know why I am not yet blinded by this white hot light. I always wanted the spotlight and now I have it for eternity with no one to notice.

I have had a very interesting relationship with my thoughts. They kept me busy during journeys when I had to travel alone, entertained me when the people around me used to talk generic stuff that never interested me. Never liked the way humans live with each other, talk about each other, hang around a group of people throughout the day and then show spite and hate when the same people are not around. Never quite understood the human behavior. Used to avoid being in contact with most of them. Only a few were close to me but now I’ll do anything to see one, to feel one, to have someone close to me. I hate my thoughts now. They come back and are always the same. I used to read a lot and believed that I have a wide range of topics to think about. But in this atrocity all I think about is same stuff over and over again. Probably they have been the priority of my conscience and I never noticed it.

I miss her too my girlfriend, her face, her hair, her eyes, everything is strikingly clear. But her name I don’t remember her name. I have visions of her walking in the meadows asking me to follow her as we run through those endless greens. Ohh wait, why haven’t I ever asked her to stop. Why don’t I do it now and I just yelled “stop” at her. The vision comes to an end and then I see her entering the room. “Red? I thought it would be blue” she said as she entered the room. It’s been months as far as I remember and now I have a visitor is this how it works or am I hallucinating? “Are you really here” I asked hesitatingly. “I have always been here, you haven’t looked at the right places” she says as I stare at her. “Follow me” she said offering me to hold her hand. I got up and went for her hand. I held her hand and she started walking out of the room with me. “Let me take you where you belong” she said. I smiled at her and walked past the wall which now had a door I never noticed. Well, to no surprise all I remember is waking in the same room again, with no sign of her, all alone.